I guess I should talk about it, because the shrink said I don’t talk enough, even though I think I talk TOO much, but apparently it’s not about the “right stuff” so I am going to talk to my doctor once every other week (I love him – Dr. Semlear – he saved my life) while I wait for a regular therapist.  Waiting on the insurance approval for the Cymabalta (isn’t that the one that kills you, Dr. S? Yes *continues writing*).  Okay.  O.o

DeDe and set out for the B&B on Saturday morning instead of Friday night, because basically, I couldn’t get my shit together, and any excuse to put this off longer was fine by me.  We left at 8:30, which was a miracle to begin with, seeing as how I am never ready that early. But after a stop at Cumby’s for coffee for her and water for me, we were on our way.  One more stop at a Stewart’s in Duanesburg (maybe) for food and more coffee, and back in the cat.  I guess I subconsciously on purpose missed the turn off for my old house, so we ended up going to 80 and turning left.  We’re driving, and I am like where the hell is this place?  7 tenths of a mile on the right?  Uh no dude – more like 2 miles, but whatevs.  Pull up – I FREAK. We are smack dab in the middle of Springfield Center – the same town I spent 2 of the worst years of my life in.  I start eating Ativan like skittles – no not really, because DeDe was watching me like a fucking hawk.  We get inside – really beautiful B&B – my mother is gone for a walk, no one can find Nancy or the room key – it’s getting later and later – I am having MAJOR panic attacks. We find Nancy, get into the room with a master key – gorgeous room (totally forgot to take pix like an idiot) – in waltzes my mother who swears she doesn’t have the key until it miraculously appears out of her pocket.  *eyeroll* I then have to hear about how they wanted this room, but they took the one upstairs with the two beds because of my legs.  SORRY my legs are fucked up!! We get ready – DeDe is watching some flesh eating parasite show on tv – I am trying not to mainline the Ativan – she glues my eyelids shut getting on my lashes, we finish “gussying up” and off we go for the pictures.  Of course the directions are incomplete – not wrong – just incomplete, so we are a little late, but it doesn’t seem to matter.  My stepfather doesn’t even recognize me (thanks, Johnny – really??), LJ looked beautiful – I will give her that, altho I REALLY wanted to do her makeup.  I go sit in a chair after being introduced around, blah blah (LJ’s sister is a beotch and a 1/2 – do not know why, but I smile and look pretty).  My mother gets her pic done with my bro and my stepfather, more talking, then time to go to the ceremony.  WHY WAS I THERE??  I corner my brother and ask – he says because he loves me and I love him and he wanted me there.  Okay.  I can do that.  Off we go to the wedding site.  Discussions ensue on how to get me down to the lake front – I don’t know what happens, but I get down there in my car (I think?) and walk the rest of the way.  I immediately want more Ativan but I promised, so no. I see a few people I know and love and hugs ensue and OMG’s I haven’t seen you in 40 years your daughter looks just like you did (haha DeDe take that x100!!!!) and I see Barbara Michaels who knows me first, but it took me a second – 1/2 hour later and many more OMG’s and “Who is that” the ceremony begins.  It was nice – I guess – LJ asked for no rain, so it spritzed a few times, and there were rumbles, but no rain. Okay – good job Mother Nature.  Short,  religious ceremony (really??) and they are married.  I don’t even know if I got any decent pix – have not even had time to look, let alone unpack except for perishables and necessities.  Time to eat.  Cute  seating arrangements – bad way to do a buffet – so I ended up having people get stuff for me, which I dislike.  People’s names were on a piece of paper with a header and their name at the bottom and a peacock feather (wedding theme that I didn’t know about because I wasn’t invited to the bridal shower – bad bad bad – you do NOT not invite the groom’s only blood relative besides his mother). ANYWAY – you are supposed to write something down and LJ can have them for her scrapbook.  Cute.  Ate a little, nice music, more talking – no “real” animosity or tensions, which was nice – I was expecting more, especially since my stepfather’s wife was NOT at the picture taking event, which I thought was odd.  She finally came over and chatted – it was getting late, I wanted to go – Ame wait for the cake and shit – okay – had cake, speech, DeDe won’t go catch bouquet, whatever, my stepfather breaks down doing his speech and I lose it.  The ONLY time I cried the whole day.  Have cake, talk more, don’t correct stepfather when he makes several mistakes talking to me and Deedles – I HAVE to leave.  Convince her to stay – she’s 21, she should have fun – my mother, Nancy and I go back to the B&B – they go for ice cream – I whip out the laptop and end up face first on the bed diagonally – passed out. Vaguely hear my mother say no cookie dough ice cream, pass back out. Phone beeps – DeDe wants to know how to get back – I think she hasn’t been there that long, WTF – she is coming back to get changed.  I crawl under the covers and crash again.  She comes back later, I get back on the laptop, get into jammies, explain why the a/c and the heater are on,  do some shit on laptop, say fuck this, crash out.  She says 7 – I say whatever.  I want to go to the Fly Creek Cider Mill before we go home the next day.  OMG slept like the dead – want to take bed home with me.  Wake up at 8 – of course my mother couldn’t wait for any of us to eat, so I eat this HUGE breakfast (I never eat anything except a banana for breakfast – I had fruit and yogurt and 2 huge waffles and coffee and OMG my stomach!!  Yummmm!!  My mother starts in on Nancy about her being late, I tell her to lay off because she does this all the time it’s really annoying – I ask Nancy how many time over the past 20 years have I asked her how she puts up with my mother – she says every time I talk to her, which is probably true.  My mother is now getting pissy, as is DeDe – it’s getting late, let’s go.  My mother passes out presents – mine are WAY COOL earrings that are SO me the Glamorina it’s not even funny – black and silver and light-weight – I am sooo happy!!  Have coffee, talk, let’s go, blah blah – back to room to pack up – where is my black dress (ha ha I have 8 billion black dresses – can’t find the one I want – whatever) – DeDe does a better job with the lashes – one last check and off we go – everyone is pissy about the time except me – I just don’t want DeDe mad at me.  Off we go down the Lake Road into Cooperstown having this insane conversation about me, my past, my mother and me breaking in to play tour guide – who is James Fenimore Cooper, why is it Leatherstocking this, blah blah – get to the Cider Mill – say hi to cousin Bill who obvi does NOT remember us too well – whatever.  Shop, taste, walk, eat, spend ($300 for a plastic Adirondack chair – okay it’s recycled but are you fucking joking??), DeDe’s impatient, all the shopping gets mixed up – whatever – my mother goes to get sweet potato fries – I know DeDe is pissed when she won’t eat even one.  Go to leave, my mother says something about me being like Aunt Georgia (insult), I whack her with my wallet – I didn’t mean to do it so hard – she drops the fries, turns into Mr. Hyde and pulls a MAJOR CUNT STUNT 5 min. before we are going to leave.  Are you fucking kidding me??  After all of this shit – after everything she did – putting me in a B&B in the center of the town where I have some of the WORST memories of my whole life, making me go to this wedding to begin with (which you know landed me in the psych ward of the ER and if you don’t I will tell that story tomorrow – or later today as it’s almost 2 am FML) she goes and pulls this shit. I get in the car, we stop for gas, I tell DeDe to find out the fastest way back to Rt 80 but I want to see my old house – we start to talk again – another weird convo with me playing tour guide and she telling me to get the fuck over it and stop talking about it (didn’t they just tell me to talk about things??) and then it eased out and I wish it were clearer because gods it is fucking beautiful out there. I explain about what a widow’s watch is, she tells me why she wants a different car, yak yak yak all the way home like we have never talked ever like that – I was so happy!! Laughing, giggling, talking about the future for reals (she is sooooooooo much like me it’s scary), Boone says no don’t pick him up, she’s like then why was he giving me shit about being late – we get home OMG I have never ever been soooooo happy to be home – my furballs go insane – we divvy up the goods and off she goes, and I am home and safe and sound and tired.  Tried to catch up on 4-5 days worth of shit all day – made it to 5 – HAD to nap – got up, talked a little more, went back to sleep – woke back up – texts were fast and furious – did some more shit, raining out – dogs won’t go out – oh last night thunderstorms – MAJOR lightning show, thunder boomers – couldn’t find Ciddie (Obsidian, my Medusa drop off kitty – another story) – I could hear her crying – the dogs were going crazy – I thought she got outside OMG please no – I guess she was under my bed – thanks gods – she’s just scared – I think first thunderstorm since I got her.  So then DeDe tells me tonight Arrow starts tomorrow – WTF?? – they said October – whatever – may not watch anyway if it goes the way of the comic book. Did a donation to ASPCA for BP’s – whatever – better than giving Playdumb anymore $$ – made a new friend on ebay, lol!! and now have to go to sleep because tomorrow is groomers day for Fabio, have to call Dr and clean!!!  And more errands – i am never going to get caught up – well, I am going to try really hard!!! And that, my friends, should bring us up to date except for the hospital visit which of course I don’t remember because I have meno brain, but will check in the am.  Sweet dreams – love and light, laughter and happiness, and may the Goddess hold and guide you through this night and always!! ♥ ♥