If you don’t know Azure, she is an AMAZING writer and one hell of a woman (and a GOOD friend, whether she thinks so or not).  You can find her books on Amazon, etc. Tons of great reviews on Goodreads, etc.  She’s something else.  She’s also hysterical!!  😀

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My husband stays home now so I can write. I don’t think he has a whole lot of confidence in me…yet, judging by the Daniel Boone back to basic whirlwind he’s on.

He’s saving electricity in various ways….he shuts the washing machine off and agitates the clothes by hand saving a whopping .0006 cents a load. He hangs the clothes outside and I’m sure that’s a considerable savings. But he doesn’t hang them on a clothes line, he hangs them on the kid’s tree house. The clothes are so stiff, they stand on their own in the closet.

The latest is, we’re looking into morally questionable “free wi/fi” via a cantena. There’s talk of using the swimming pool as a water cistern to collect rainwater and use for flushing toilets. After all, the water bill accounts for half of the electric bill since the outrageous sewage charges are tacked onto that. But I’m more than happy to pay somebody to clean up everybody’s shit, you feel me?

We’ll be sleeping without AC because the fans do a fine job of keeping us cool at night. That was my suggestion. (yes, i’m playing along, so that when i say no to something that I’m not willing to part with, I won’t be seen as illogical and uncaring)

During the day, there’s a huge picture window at the front of the house that he’s discovered is acting as a heater in the summer time. So, he’s hung up two unmatching blankets outside the window to block the heat. Looks Jethro, but works. I said, “wow, two unmatching blankets.” He said, “Don’t worry, as soon as the sun reaches twelve, they roll up and sit in the attic.” This is possible from the soffit that he’s removed to allow the heat to escape the attic.

I’m praying he doesn’t think of using the pool as a community bathtub that can be filtered for drinking. I have divorce papers on standby. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Update on husband’s operation CONSERVE ENERGY

Okay, so, I’m working late in my office because I have to win bread for the family now. I worked into the evening until it became a dire emergency that i get to the bathroom ASAP.

I RUN into the house, flip on the hall light…only it doesn’t come on. I hurry into the bathroom and hit the light switch, NO LIGHT. What the fuck? I’m dancing and I reach toward the mirror in suspicion to feel where the fluorescent bulb should be only they’re NOT. oooooookay Daniel fucking Boone.

I hurry out that bathroom and into the one just next to it. Light works! I move at warp speed and notice the top of the toilet is off just as i sit to REEEEEEELIEVE myself thank you Jesus. After I’m done, I finally have a look to see what the helll he’s up to with the toilet.

Holy. Shit. The back of the toilet is nearly FULL of bricks. I flush it and watch as the water goes out and the toilet flushes normally. As the water fills back up, I figure out what he’s done. He’s cut our water usage in half with the toilet. I giggle because I think it’s both hilarious and CLEVER. I wash my hands and am relieved to see we still have this privilege.

I go into our bedroom and turn on the light only it doesn’t turn on. “Why are all the lights not working?” I ask.

He flicks on a flashlight and I frikn loose it and give into fits of laughter. I say, “Everybody gets a flash light for each room at night?”

“The lamps still work,” he says, serious as shit.
“What are you doing with the AC on, wasting all this electricity?”
“It was hot, I’m just cooling it off then using the fan.”
“Well, you’d better damn well.” More hysterical laughter from me.

What will he come up with tomorrow?

“Dear God. Please help me sell lots and lots of books so I don’t have to divorce my husband. Amen.”

Saturday!! 9/7 – 4:06

Cashing in on that prayer I prayed for God to remind me of how sweet my husband is the next time he’s an asshole. That didn’t take long.

So we’re figuring out how many gallons of water we use in the new brickfilled toilets. Turns out 2.5 gallons is all it takes as opposed to the 5 it was using before, older toilet. Multiply that times the amount of people in the house times the average amount of times each uses the toilet then you have the amount of gallons of water you need a day to flush the toilet.

Now, we have to figure out how big of a cistern we need to build JUST for flushing the toilets. Well, turns out a 4ft. deep by 8ft wide by 4.6 feet high would hold enough water to flush the toilets for 7 days.

“But how much water can we collect off of our sized roof with gutters, shouldn’t we figure that out? If it rained for 15 minutes once a week, what would that give us?”

“Well, we can figure that out, but I mostly need to know how many gallons it takes a day and what size cistern would hold that for a weeks supply.”

I think I follow? Part of me thinks if we knew the rainfall average first though, would help us decide less days, smaller container. But we are erring to the worse case scenario.

But he wants to go outside to figure out where we might put something the size we’ve come up with. Fine. After measuring it out, I’m not liking it. “That’s too big, I don’t want a giant structure on the outside of the house like that. Plus if we need it by the bathroom for gravity feed, it’s going to block the windows.”

“Well we don’t have to put it in front of the windows, we’re designing it.”

“Okay,” I say.

Wasps suddenly come out of the greenery where we’re measuring. I quickly run backward. “Wasps!”

He steps back, “It’s fine.”

I’m 20 feet away by then thinking, ummmm no it’s not.

“Okay so go inside and tell me what the level of the toilet is at.”

I look at him. “Why am I doing that?”

“So we can figure out how high it needs to be.”

“But I don’t get what you’ve decided on the too big problem.”

He shows signs of frustration. Signs he’s likely not aware he’s showing. But I’m aware.

He basically does the repeat thing that doesn’t really help me understand any better. “But how is that going to fix the hugeness.”

And this is where we became like 2 kids.

“I’m not going to build it and throw it up on the wall right now.” This is said incredulously with him demonstrating the whole throwing it on the wall part.

My button is pushed.

“Okay, calm down. Don’t talk to me like that. I don’t understand what you’re doing and i have the right to ask until i do, you can like it or not, but that’s what i’m doing.”

Exasperated head shake at me. Clearly I’m being unreasonable and don’t know it. “I explained it to you–”

“and I didn’t understand and so I ask questions and you start acting like i’m stupid.”

“No, you act like I’m stupid.”

“Yes because you act like I’m stupid, you start it, you just don’t see it.”

We both head back in the house because our little conservation project is officially on hold now.

He says, “You’re the one who starts it and you don’t see it.”

“No, I see when I do it, I do it right after you.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, fuck you!” This just before I walk in the house and assume my motherly personality.

He gets in the car and leaves. The great escape. Must be great to be able to do! And a real gas saver!

I put on lunch. Chicken and sausage gravy again. Baked beans, navy beans, smothered potatoes and sausage with onion. And rice.

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Sept. 9th

My poor 8 year old comes to me today, looking for a job. I tell her maybe she can be my assistant. She says “Yes, i can get you things and clean your office and rub your shoulders.” That last bit brought a smile to my face. I really like the sound of this. “Okay, so how much pay do you want?” She says, “Oh for free.” I say, “you can’t do all that for free. What do you think would be fair?” She says “Oh, I guess one dollar a week.” Poor child. “How about two dollars a day? That would be ten dollars a week.” Huge smiles. (Note to self: Never strike deals with your kids without consulting your other half)

Well of course she goes immediately to inform everybody of the good news. I happen to go inside for something and I’m informed by my husband that I’ve agreed to pay her 60 dollars a month and that’s just way too much money. I’m like…”well I’m just talking by the week so it would be 40 dollars a month.” Still too much. Her pay was knocked to 5 bucks a week and would come in the form of FOOD! Seriously? LOL. I don’t say anything to him, but I wink at her and give her my ‘i’ll handle him’ face. She’s immediately relieved. She knows i’ll be victorious.

So, after about ten hours of work, I come in and put supper on. Husband and I don’t stop working until we’re laying in bed over here. I see husband heading to the back of the house with four gallons of suspicious looking water. “What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s brown water,” he says.
Well i can see that. “What’s it for?”
“To flush the toilets.”
“Where’d it come from?”
“The washing machine. If I use this water, we don’t have to use the city water, another little something I learned about. You might want to tell your friends, most people wouldn’t think of the money they can save by just doing these simple things.”

Definitely can’t wait to tell my friends. I know they’re going to be thrilled and begin saving their milk jugs, setting their timers at their washing machines drain cycle and pulling that hose out of the drain pipe and filling their jugs up to haul to the toilets for a whopping savings of 000.5 cents. SMH. It is good EXERCISE however, I give him that much.

So it’s the newest idea for savings and I’m not entirely unimpressed. His “plan” is to have all the “brown water” sent to a holding tank that would be specifically for flushing toilets. It would go through a standard gravel, sand, carbon filtration. It would be less rain water we’d need to collect on a whole. I like it.

What I don’t like, however, is how DARK he’s got the house in the evening. We’ve got no bulb in the kitchen main light, only one pathetic one over the stove and another pathetic one over the sink. And the den exactly connected to it has ONE pitiful bulb in the 5 bulb chandelier. So, I feel like I’m “high” and walking through a dream tunnel.

That needs to change.

Dear God, I’d like to trade out my prayer for “sweet patience” with the more useful “not no, but hell no,” virtue. Amen.