I remember like it was yesterday where I was when “it” happened – sitting at work at the school my daughter attended and someone racing into our office screaming.  I pulled up what I could on the internet – dial up back then, servers so clogged nothing would move – and just stared at the screen.  I remember someone else coming in and saying they hit the Pentagon, too.  Disbelief – HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??  I left that job and drove to my other job in Troy – almost an hour away.  EVERY radio station was NEWS ONLY – EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.  I got to my 2nd job, and instead of the frenetic energy and rush rush rush pace of a start-up by some brilliant RPI students, everyone was in the media room, glued to the giant tv.  I couldn’t stand to watch, so I went to do some work – anything to not see what I was seeing.  After awhile, someone came and asked if I was okay, and I said no – which was the truth – I was stunned, in fear, so so saddened and a plethora of other emotions running through me – and he just grabbed my arm, pulled me up, and hugged me and let the tears fall.  I must have cried for 1/2 an hour,  just being held by this 22 year old man who only knew I needed SOME sort of comfort and release.  I drove home, still in shock, as was everyone else, and I tried the internet at home some more, but again, more dial up server overload.  It took me days to find out all the facts; I made some hysterical phone calls to people I knew who either worked or lived down there – thank the gods they were all safe! ♥ I found out later that someone I knew through someone else had been one of the heroes of the plane in PA who fought so hard to get control of that plane, to no avail.  I LOATHED the Twin Towers when they were first built – I was a Jersey girl and these “boxes” ruined “my” skyline.  Now they weren’t there, and I would give ANYTHING to have them back!!  When I first saw the skyline a few years later, I was shaken to the core – there was an empty space where those “boxes” should have been, and I cried – gods, did I cry!!!!!!

Flash forward to today – I have to go to the dentist to have fillings done in less than two hours.  I was sexually assaulted by a dentist when I was in my early 20’s and the sounds and the smells of a dentist office is enough to trigger PTSD, which I was just diagnosed with (who knew?).  I will be drugged again today, and will soldier through, as I know it needs to be done, but I don’t have to like it.  And I will cry – for me, for 9/11, for all those thousands of people who died that didn’t have to, for the two “boxes” that aren’t there anymore, for everyone who lost something that day in 2001.  And it will be okay.  I found a trace of humor in one thing this morning – I wrote a check for heating oil for about $400, and it is 80+ degrees out!!  So I will go get ready to deal with the dentist, and remember where I was and what I was doing THAT day that lives in all of us forever, and I will get through, as we all did and still do.  NEVER FORGET!!  ♥ ♥