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I seem to be suffering from writer’s block or writer’s blah’s or something, because while I have the words and the situations, I don’t have the energy or the time or any excuse I can come up with not to sit here and just let it all out.  Like – I should be telling you my daughter called me up and said she was catering a function and some “ambassador dude” was there and he was cool.  I asked her to please find out who it was and it turns out it was Ban-Ki Moon, the UN Secretary General.  I start freaking out – she wants to know the best place to get her nails done!!!  OMG!!!

I went to the Cardiologist Monday for surgery clearance – he was pleased with my weight loss.  I went to therapy Wednesday – 90 minutes of discussing my real but irrational fear of this surgery – I have had so many I can’t count them all – I know the drill – you can’t go in with fear – that is a NO NO!!  I came home, saw something on FB about pagan prayer beads (WTF?) and I was so drawn to this that I emailed and emailed and finally broke down and called, and the woman emailed back, asked me one or two very basic questions, which I answered.  I told her I was drawn to 4 stones for healing.  Within maybe 2 hours she said it was ready  – she has made me a bracelet and had put the Tree of Life, a Pentacle, and a Triskele, which she could not possible have known is “my”symbol, because a) I didn’t tell her and b) my FB is locked up pretty tight. 9 stones I would have NEVER put together, but after reading their healing properties – holy shit!!!  I took one look at this thing and I could physically feel whatever was keeping me from being okay with my surgery blow up -shatter into smithereens.  I closed my laptop, threw all my animals out of my room (which i never do) and slept for 12 hours.  It was amazing.

I told this story to my GP when I went for his clearance Thursday, and he shocked me by handing me a huge paperback called Light Emerging – the Journey of Personal Healing and telling me to read the section on Goddesses.  I was floored!!! 4 years and I didn’t know my GP was into this?  How cool is that??  So now I am feeling better and Friday I went to get the mail, found out my food stamps had been cut – thank you, but there was a package in there and I saw the address and I started to cry.  My friend Amanda – my beautiful talented incredible friend Amanda from New Zealand who lives in the Yukon with her helicopter pilot hubby and their gorgeous twin daughters, had drawn my name in a gift swap and it was MY TURN to get one of her amazing drawings.  I opened it up and she writes about how happy she was that she drew me (literally and figuratively) and that I needed my own  Goddess, so she drew me Diana/Artemis.  I cried. For hours.  How many times in the past week have I heard I am a goddess or I am becoming one – breaking through, ready to shine and wow the universe!!

Today did suck.  My bright spot was my daughter, who came to see  me and that was about it.  Trying to decide whether to drive to NJ for Taylor ham and cheese on rye and see the ocean and my friend Laurie or not.  Need to finish up all this ridiculous paperwork.  So much crap!!!!!   Now Mercury is in Retrograde for 3 weeks and my surgery is in there.  FML.  Sleep calls.  Will figure it all out tomorrow…

BUT – I AM a GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!