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That’s my birthday.  It’s an odd day.  Not a lot of people born on it.  I personally only know 2 others, and the list of “famous people” isn’t very long.  Jon Bon Jovi, Mikhail Gorbachev, Dr. Seuss, Lou Reed…  we lost the last one today.  Take A Walk On The Wild Side – how many times did I sing that song over over in my life, for many different meanings, for many different occasions, each one a perfect fit, as he was a consummate story teller.

I am due tomorrow up at AMC for pre-admission testing at 9:30 am.  Thanks.   I can barely function by then, and as I have just found out I have been literally poisoning myself for the last two or three months without realizing it -it’s going to be a fuck ton load of fun getting up, getting ready and getting there. Alone. I had discovered these snack bars – Fibre 90 or some shit.  They were delicious, 90 calories – I ate them like M&M’s.  I noticed they had the Box Top for school things on them, and I grabbed a flattened empty box to ask friends on FB if they wanted the point things.  There, in small lettering, on the bottom, underneath something completely different (no, I am NOT going to break out into Alice’s Restaurant – that is almost  4 weeks away yet) were the words “May contain  traces of blah, blah and walnuts”.  I have odd food allergies.  I am allergic to oranges, but not grapefruit.  Strawberries, but no other berries.  Tomatoes, apples – but my WORST allergy?  Yeah.  Walnuts.  I have been trying to figure out why I haven’t felt good – why I ache so much, am so stiff, why I hurt in the middle of the night, etc.

I am going into this surgery with HUGE trepidation as it is.  This is my 20 somethingth surgery – I know the drill – it’s my second one this year.  WHY is this one such a big deal?  Why am I SO FUCKING SCARED??  Maybe now I know why.  Maybe my own brain was saying well, you’re on your way, may as well finish it. I don’t know.  I am pulling out every stop I know and can think of for this one.  Prayers (I’m not picky), CD’s, jewelry, a quick trip “home” to see the ocean, cry on my friend’s shoulder and have Taylor Ham at a Greek diner – hey – I’m from Joisey – you wanna make sumthin of it, huh??  Phuque Ewe!!  ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

I am going to write a nice letter to the people who make my now ex-favorite snack and explain to them that maybe, just maybe they should put that in bigger writing somewhere on the package so someone DOESN’T die.  Maybe I will be a bitch and CC my lawyers.  I don’t know.  I don’t know ANYTHING anymore!!!  Maybe that’s from the walnuts, too.

I just want to say now, in case I forget and I don’t make it out okay – I love my daughter with my heart and soul, and I know my purpose on this planet was to make sure she got here and was taken care of until she was an adult.  My job is done.  So if it is my time, I go in peace knowing that.  If it’s not – well, then, I will be back to tell more of my story.  Because I haven’t even begun.  And it needs to be told.

Peace out.  RIP Lou.  Be my personal angel.  Walk beside me.  I need you.