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Nothing is worth your unhappiness, Ame; not because the awful and ugly don’t happen, but because there’s always more of the really good stuff. Always,
The Universe

Let every season run its course and every tide ebb and flow, but think not, dear Ame, that you have no choice of where your wandering mind can go…

Your emotions are a bit tangled today and your current confusion can be a bit disorienting. However, there’s nothing wrong with your analytical abilities. In fact, the source of your problem may be the opposite — arising from your awareness and not from your ignorance. Trust your logic. Be ready to jump right in without hesitating one moment after you have made up your mind.

Yeah – the horrorscopes can kiss my shrinking ass.  9:30 am appointment at my beloved Albany Medical Center for pre-admission screening.  A process that is so time consuming and so unnecessary, if they eliminated it, we could solve the national debt in no time.  Which is why I am in favor of socialized medicine – but I digress.  The piece of paper says bring a family member with you.  Well, seeing as I had no one to bring, because I am fairly short on family members and most people I know are working on Monday mornings,  I make the hour drive up.  I forget about the construction. You can’t really drive and read directions at the same time (well, I can’t – I can’t walk and think at the same time) so I whip into the parking garage and immediately realize it’s the wrong one.  I ask the man how to get where I am supposed to go.  He looks at me like the idiot I am, mumbles something, and I go off to find a parking space.  I drive around the maze a few times, find a spot and immediately lose all sense of direction (not that I have much to begin with when it comes to parking garages, lots, etc.). I then proceed to go in the opposite direction of where I want to be, and when I finally end up across the street at the hospital, I am on the other end of the complex from where I need to go.  I do what any person in the predicament would do – I burst into tears.  Say what you want about hospitals – Albany Med has some of the nicest people ever working there – I don’t care if it’s the chief of staff or a janitor.  Some poor lady took me by the hand, unlocked some secret passage, wound me through the employees only bowels of the facility, and finally got me somewhere near where I had to be.  I get to the room (I am now limping, and my right knee hurts – DANGER DANGER – and my left ankle is swollen over the sneakers I thought would be a good idea to wear.  I am only 10 minutes late, which is cool – I take a number (19), look to see where they are (14) sigh, and turn on my Kindle.  And my cell phone, even tho it was prohibited – texting doesn’t count, right??  They have ONE person doing intake and she is obviously distraught.  1/2 an hour later, someone else comes and things start to move.  I get the crying lady.  Her son’s best friend had just tried Molly for the first time at age 17 and had committed suicide.  She’s also pregnant.  I have a knack for getting info out of people, and just being a kind ear, so I listened for awhile, and she sent me back to my old seat, instead of in the cattle section.  Jennie texts me a picture of her engagement ring (finally!!!!!) – it could feed about 6 small countries for years, but I am thrilled for her and since it was a shape I wouldn’t chose for myself, my jealousy quotient was lower than expected.  They finally call me – it’s 11:30 now (really??) – vitals, weight (do I need to give you a urine sample? NO?  *runs to bathroom*) then into room for exam.  I am in pretty good shape, I brought my med sheet like a good girl, I mention my apprehension about THIS particular surgery (aka I am going to die) – the PA says this is not good.  I ask maybe I could have the really great anesthesiologist from my last operation in March?  She says hang  on, goes to find my chart somewhere, can’t read his name (I am now dying laughing because can you ever read a doctor’s writing???), so she goes to check after I describe him, finds his name on the list and says it’s important – I’ll request him.  I thank her profusely – he was very calming and very competent, if a bit blunt (“I have lost over 100 lbs!!”  “You can lose a few more, no?” *evil smile*).  But it doesn’t hurt that he looks something like this…grigori


So then the phlebotomist comes in and we have a great time discussing the fact that we are both 51 (she looked gooooooood!!!!!  hell girlllll!!) and she can’t find my vein (probably because my whole body is swollen from doing more exercise in the last 2 hours than I have done in the last 2 years), but she finally takes enough blood from me (do I have any left??), tells me how to correctly get back to the RIGHT walkway across the road and then says “Um – doctor’s a little pissed you drove here alone – bed rest.”  I then tell her I was headed for NJ for some R&R and Taylor ham (no Taylor ham in NY) and I hear “Are you out of your fucking mind – you ARE NOT making a 10 hour round trip drive by yourself 6 days before your operation!!!!”  Damn walls have ears – who knew he was lurking….Now I am upset, so of  course I go the wrong way, get all confused again (combined with I have no blood left) and I end up on the opposite side of the hospital yet again.  So I cross over, and now – yes – I don’t know where my car is.  Forty five minutes I walked, climbed stairs, cried, tried to unlock it to see the flash – I FINALLY find it – about 10 feet from where I should have gone in the first place if I wasn’t so frazzled.  It’s now going on 1 pm.  I google 5 Guys, having never had one and they are new up here, find one on the way home, stop, order something small (no such thing in that place I find out) die of embarrassment when the manager yells out ORDER NUMBER YES MA’AM YOU ARE FINE NUMBER SIXTY NINE, grab my fries and burger and beeline for the car as fast as someone who can’t walk can.  Cry all the way home in-between fries, my daughter doesn’t want to see me, find a giant packet of papers from Social Security waiting for me (wait – isn’t that what I am paying the lawyer for?????), email my friend in NJ explaining the situation and go collapse for a few hours.

I get up, realize I am an idiot with no one to blame but myself and my stubbornness, have a minor pity party, decide to listen to the pre-op hypnosis cd my friend sent me – it’s more meditation and visualization than hypnosis, which I have problems with (I WONDER WHY) and I am soooooo soothed I crawl back into bed and sleep so well.

I did behave today – I made some phone calls, arranged for medicaid transportation so this debacle shan’t occur again, got a nice person and answers from my lawyer (faints), got a nice person and some answers from social services from a real person (faints) and find out someone set up a fund for me for while I am healing, which REALLY made me cry – kindness is something I am getting used to and this, this was just amazing.  (She used the paypal link on the blog cover if you are so inspired to help).

So – I am down til I am out.  So much for the ocean, my Laurie, my NJ, my beloved Taylor ham, but my animals are happy mommy is home, and I will rest.  Because come Monday, this won’t look  like this anymore…

My lovely ankle


I bid you all a good night, and I am accepting prayers also – I am a non-denominational acceptee, so don’t worry about what faith you are – I’ll take it!!  I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and I know I will need as many as possible for this one!!

So smart, yet so dumb sometimes…..I have heard that so often in my life…..sigh…