I admit, I was skeptical at first – here is an author who is writing 188 short stories – maybe just “shorts” with 188 words in each. I was intrigued by the “catch”, and I got the book. How he managed to do what he did is almost mind-boggling, but I shan’t give anything away, other than to say READ THIS – you will be glad you did. It is truly amazing!!
This actually hit me pretty hard, as I have been having my own fucking huge pity party about a surgery that they now classified as 23 hour outpatient, which means slice, dice, recover and GTFO. My daughter’s best friend from the age of 4’s father just died and I am whining about every little fucking thing. Well, hopefully, I WILL wake up after the op to bitch and whine some more. Rise above your ego. Best line I have heard today. Better go put into use.
|Nothing is worth your unhappiness, Ame; not because the awful and ugly don’t happen, but because there’s always more of the really good stuff. Always,
Let every season run its course and every tide ebb and flow, but think not, dear Ame, that you have no choice of where your wandering mind can go…
Your emotions are a bit tangled today and your current confusion can be a bit disorienting. However, there’s nothing wrong with your analytical abilities. In fact, the source of your problem may be the opposite — arising from your awareness and not from your ignorance. Trust your logic. Be ready to jump right in without hesitating one moment after you have made up your mind.
Yeah – the horrorscopes can kiss my shrinking ass. 9:30 am appointment at my beloved Albany Medical Center for pre-admission screening. A process that is so time consuming and so unnecessary, if they eliminated it, we could solve the national debt in no time. Which is why I am in favor of socialized medicine – but I digress. The piece of paper says bring a family member with you. Well, seeing as I had no one to bring, because I am fairly short on family members and most people I know are working on Monday mornings, I make the hour drive up. I forget about the construction. You can’t really drive and read directions at the same time (well, I can’t – I can’t walk and think at the same time) so I whip into the parking garage and immediately realize it’s the wrong one. I ask the man how to get where I am supposed to go. He looks at me like the idiot I am, mumbles something, and I go off to find a parking space. I drive around the maze a few times, find a spot and immediately lose all sense of direction (not that I have much to begin with when it comes to parking garages, lots, etc.). I then proceed to go in the opposite direction of where I want to be, and when I finally end up across the street at the hospital, I am on the other end of the complex from where I need to go. I do what any person in the predicament would do – I burst into tears. Say what you want about hospitals – Albany Med has some of the nicest people ever working there – I don’t care if it’s the chief of staff or a janitor. Some poor lady took me by the hand, unlocked some secret passage, wound me through the employees only bowels of the facility, and finally got me somewhere near where I had to be. I get to the room (I am now limping, and my right knee hurts – DANGER DANGER – and my left ankle is swollen over the sneakers I thought would be a good idea to wear. I am only 10 minutes late, which is cool – I take a number (19), look to see where they are (14) sigh, and turn on my Kindle. And my cell phone, even tho it was prohibited – texting doesn’t count, right?? They have ONE person doing intake and she is obviously distraught. 1/2 an hour later, someone else comes and things start to move. I get the crying lady. Her son’s best friend had just tried Molly for the first time at age 17 and had committed suicide. She’s also pregnant. I have a knack for getting info out of people, and just being a kind ear, so I listened for awhile, and she sent me back to my old seat, instead of in the cattle section. Jennie texts me a picture of her engagement ring (finally!!!!!) – it could feed about 6 small countries for years, but I am thrilled for her and since it was a shape I wouldn’t chose for myself, my jealousy quotient was lower than expected. They finally call me – it’s 11:30 now (really??) – vitals, weight (do I need to give you a urine sample? NO? *runs to bathroom*) then into room for exam. I am in pretty good shape, I brought my med sheet like a good girl, I mention my apprehension about THIS particular surgery (aka I am going to die) – the PA says this is not good. I ask maybe I could have the really great anesthesiologist from my last operation in March? She says hang on, goes to find my chart somewhere, can’t read his name (I am now dying laughing because can you ever read a doctor’s writing???), so she goes to check after I describe him, finds his name on the list and says it’s important – I’ll request him. I thank her profusely – he was very calming and very competent, if a bit blunt (“I have lost over 100 lbs!!” “You can lose a few more, no?” *evil smile*). But it doesn’t hurt that he looks something like this…
So then the phlebotomist comes in and we have a great time discussing the fact that we are both 51 (she looked gooooooood!!!!! hell girlllll!!) and she can’t find my vein (probably because my whole body is swollen from doing more exercise in the last 2 hours than I have done in the last 2 years), but she finally takes enough blood from me (do I have any left??), tells me how to correctly get back to the RIGHT walkway across the road and then says “Um – doctor’s a little pissed you drove here alone – bed rest.” I then tell her I was headed for NJ for some R&R and Taylor ham (no Taylor ham in NY) and I hear “Are you out of your fucking mind – you ARE NOT making a 10 hour round trip drive by yourself 6 days before your operation!!!!” Damn walls have ears – who knew he was lurking….Now I am upset, so of course I go the wrong way, get all confused again (combined with I have no blood left) and I end up on the opposite side of the hospital yet again. So I cross over, and now – yes – I don’t know where my car is. Forty five minutes I walked, climbed stairs, cried, tried to unlock it to see the flash – I FINALLY find it – about 10 feet from where I should have gone in the first place if I wasn’t so frazzled. It’s now going on 1 pm. I google 5 Guys, having never had one and they are new up here, find one on the way home, stop, order something small (no such thing in that place I find out) die of embarrassment when the manager yells out ORDER NUMBER YES MA’AM YOU ARE FINE NUMBER SIXTY NINE, grab my fries and burger and beeline for the car as fast as someone who can’t walk can. Cry all the way home in-between fries, my daughter doesn’t want to see me, find a giant packet of papers from Social Security waiting for me (wait – isn’t that what I am paying the lawyer for?????), email my friend in NJ explaining the situation and go collapse for a few hours.
I get up, realize I am an idiot with no one to blame but myself and my stubbornness, have a minor pity party, decide to listen to the pre-op hypnosis cd my friend sent me – it’s more meditation and visualization than hypnosis, which I have problems with (I WONDER WHY) and I am soooooo soothed I crawl back into bed and sleep so well.
I did behave today – I made some phone calls, arranged for medicaid transportation so this debacle shan’t occur again, got a nice person and answers from my lawyer (faints), got a nice person and some answers from social services from a real person (faints) and find out someone set up a fund for me for while I am healing, which REALLY made me cry – kindness is something I am getting used to and this, this was just amazing. (She used the paypal link on the blog cover if you are so inspired to help).
So – I am down til I am out. So much for the ocean, my Laurie, my NJ, my beloved Taylor ham, but my animals are happy mommy is home, and I will rest. Because come Monday, this won’t look like this anymore…
I bid you all a good night, and I am accepting prayers also – I am a non-denominational acceptee, so don’t worry about what faith you are – I’ll take it!! I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and I know I will need as many as possible for this one!!
So smart, yet so dumb sometimes…..I have heard that so often in my life…..sigh…
- Albany Med expansion draws crowd at council meeting (cbs6albany.com)
I know I vowed NOT to discuss anything holiday-ish until Halloween was over, but it’s close enough, and if you want something unique and one-of-a-kind and made to order and also to help out someone near and dear, please check out this Etsy shop. We have the fortune of having Etsy have its headquarters down the road a piece, and I have slowly left ebay and am turning more and more to Etsy – I like the idea of the handmade items (they also have commercial items as well, but the handmade things are incredible)!!!!! The vendors are easy to work with – I would say about 10 so far have made me cry with their kindness and their ability to work with me and my limits, and understand my needs, and they do go above an beyond.
This particular vendor has become a very special person to me, and without going into a very long story, this is how she supports her family. She is super mom – amazing can’t even begin to describe it. So if you are wandering the hallowed halls of the mall or other box store this season, maybe sit home, have a cup of tea, and peruse through some of her offerings. Ask her for something she can tweak that catches your eye – her talent is endless, and her kindness knows no end. And you will be doing something good for someone else, instead of putting your money somewhere where no one cares or needs it. I have pretty much boycotted as many stores as I can now and shop locally, with friends or barter. The whole “shutdown” opened my eyes to a much wider picture, and the world would be a much better place if we kept out money out of the hands of people who don’t need it, and placed it into the hands of people who do.
So check her out. I think you will find something you will like. ♥
Fucking STUNNED out of my brain!!!!!! How do they know this stuff?? How? Can someone please explain this to me??
That’s my birthday. It’s an odd day. Not a lot of people born on it. I personally only know 2 others, and the list of “famous people” isn’t very long. Jon Bon Jovi, Mikhail Gorbachev, Dr. Seuss, Lou Reed… we lost the last one today. Take A Walk On The Wild Side – how many times did I sing that song over over in my life, for many different meanings, for many different occasions, each one a perfect fit, as he was a consummate story teller.
I am due tomorrow up at AMC for pre-admission testing at 9:30 am. Thanks. I can barely function by then, and as I have just found out I have been literally poisoning myself for the last two or three months without realizing it -it’s going to be a fuck ton load of fun getting up, getting ready and getting there. Alone. I had discovered these snack bars – Fibre 90 or some shit. They were delicious, 90 calories – I ate them like M&M’s. I noticed they had the Box Top for school things on them, and I grabbed a flattened empty box to ask friends on FB if they wanted the point things. There, in small lettering, on the bottom, underneath something completely different (no, I am NOT going to break out into Alice’s Restaurant – that is almost 4 weeks away yet) were the words “May contain traces of blah, blah and walnuts”. I have odd food allergies. I am allergic to oranges, but not grapefruit. Strawberries, but no other berries. Tomatoes, apples – but my WORST allergy? Yeah. Walnuts. I have been trying to figure out why I haven’t felt good – why I ache so much, am so stiff, why I hurt in the middle of the night, etc.
I am going into this surgery with HUGE trepidation as it is. This is my 20 somethingth surgery – I know the drill – it’s my second one this year. WHY is this one such a big deal? Why am I SO FUCKING SCARED?? Maybe now I know why. Maybe my own brain was saying well, you’re on your way, may as well finish it. I don’t know. I am pulling out every stop I know and can think of for this one. Prayers (I’m not picky), CD’s, jewelry, a quick trip “home” to see the ocean, cry on my friend’s shoulder and have Taylor Ham at a Greek diner – hey – I’m from Joisey – you wanna make sumthin of it, huh?? Phuque Ewe!! ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐
I am going to write a nice letter to the people who make my now ex-favorite snack and explain to them that maybe, just maybe they should put that in bigger writing somewhere on the package so someone DOESN’T die. Maybe I will be a bitch and CC my lawyers. I don’t know. I don’t know ANYTHING anymore!!! Maybe that’s from the walnuts, too.
I just want to say now, in case I forget and I don’t make it out okay – I love my daughter with my heart and soul, and I know my purpose on this planet was to make sure she got here and was taken care of until she was an adult. My job is done. So if it is my time, I go in peace knowing that. If it’s not – well, then, I will be back to tell more of my story. Because I haven’t even begun. And it needs to be told.
Peace out. RIP Lou. Be my personal angel. Walk beside me. I need you.
This line bugged the hell out of me, being the good pagan I am. And because I have been obsessed with death lately.
“We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: Eminem is some kind of warlock, and you should never say his name three times in a dark place.”
You’ve been playing around with a certain hobby for a while, and it’s suddenly dawned on you that you really and truly might be able to make a full-time job of this — or at least a part-time source of income. It’s a good idea and you shouldn’t dismiss it. You might, however, want to come up with a solid plan before you quit your day job, that is. Get out some legal pads and start scribbling.
I absolutely love this idea! Blessing Bags to keep in the car when you pass homeless people. Something special you can do with the kids to teach them about caring for others.
Gallon size Ziplock bags
packages of tissues
toothbrush and toothpaste
hotel size shampoos
pack of gum
coins or predetermined dollar amount, say 5.00 (could be used to make a phone call, or purchase a food item)
you could also put in a warm pair of socks
a packet rain poncho
tampons (for women)
The ideas could be endless!
Assemble all the items in the bags, and maybe throw in a note of encouragement. Seal the bags and stow in your car for a moment of providence.