I could add so many more things about pain but I hurt right now. 😦
I could add so many more things about pain but I hurt right now. 😦
OMG – it beat out “twerk”?? What is this world coming to??
|Nothing is worth your unhappiness, Ame; not because the awful and ugly don’t happen, but because there’s always more of the really good stuff. Always,
Let every season run its course and every tide ebb and flow, but think not, dear Ame, that you have no choice of where your wandering mind can go…
Your emotions are a bit tangled today and your current confusion can be a bit disorienting. However, there’s nothing wrong with your analytical abilities. In fact, the source of your problem may be the opposite — arising from your awareness and not from your ignorance. Trust your logic. Be ready to jump right in without hesitating one moment after you have made up your mind.
Yeah – the horrorscopes can kiss my shrinking ass. 9:30 am appointment at my beloved Albany Medical Center for pre-admission screening. A process that is so time consuming and so unnecessary, if they eliminated it, we could solve the national debt in no time. Which is why I am in favor of socialized medicine – but I digress. The piece of paper says bring a family member with you. Well, seeing as I had no one to bring, because I am fairly short on family members and most people I know are working on Monday mornings, I make the hour drive up. I forget about the construction. You can’t really drive and read directions at the same time (well, I can’t – I can’t walk and think at the same time) so I whip into the parking garage and immediately realize it’s the wrong one. I ask the man how to get where I am supposed to go. He looks at me like the idiot I am, mumbles something, and I go off to find a parking space. I drive around the maze a few times, find a spot and immediately lose all sense of direction (not that I have much to begin with when it comes to parking garages, lots, etc.). I then proceed to go in the opposite direction of where I want to be, and when I finally end up across the street at the hospital, I am on the other end of the complex from where I need to go. I do what any person in the predicament would do – I burst into tears. Say what you want about hospitals – Albany Med has some of the nicest people ever working there – I don’t care if it’s the chief of staff or a janitor. Some poor lady took me by the hand, unlocked some secret passage, wound me through the employees only bowels of the facility, and finally got me somewhere near where I had to be. I get to the room (I am now limping, and my right knee hurts – DANGER DANGER – and my left ankle is swollen over the sneakers I thought would be a good idea to wear. I am only 10 minutes late, which is cool – I take a number (19), look to see where they are (14) sigh, and turn on my Kindle. And my cell phone, even tho it was prohibited – texting doesn’t count, right?? They have ONE person doing intake and she is obviously distraught. 1/2 an hour later, someone else comes and things start to move. I get the crying lady. Her son’s best friend had just tried Molly for the first time at age 17 and had committed suicide. She’s also pregnant. I have a knack for getting info out of people, and just being a kind ear, so I listened for awhile, and she sent me back to my old seat, instead of in the cattle section. Jennie texts me a picture of her engagement ring (finally!!!!!) – it could feed about 6 small countries for years, but I am thrilled for her and since it was a shape I wouldn’t chose for myself, my jealousy quotient was lower than expected. They finally call me – it’s 11:30 now (really??) – vitals, weight (do I need to give you a urine sample? NO? *runs to bathroom*) then into room for exam. I am in pretty good shape, I brought my med sheet like a good girl, I mention my apprehension about THIS particular surgery (aka I am going to die) – the PA says this is not good. I ask maybe I could have the really great anesthesiologist from my last operation in March? She says hang on, goes to find my chart somewhere, can’t read his name (I am now dying laughing because can you ever read a doctor’s writing???), so she goes to check after I describe him, finds his name on the list and says it’s important – I’ll request him. I thank her profusely – he was very calming and very competent, if a bit blunt (“I have lost over 100 lbs!!” “You can lose a few more, no?” *evil smile*). But it doesn’t hurt that he looks something like this…
So then the phlebotomist comes in and we have a great time discussing the fact that we are both 51 (she looked gooooooood!!!!! hell girlllll!!) and she can’t find my vein (probably because my whole body is swollen from doing more exercise in the last 2 hours than I have done in the last 2 years), but she finally takes enough blood from me (do I have any left??), tells me how to correctly get back to the RIGHT walkway across the road and then says “Um – doctor’s a little pissed you drove here alone – bed rest.” I then tell her I was headed for NJ for some R&R and Taylor ham (no Taylor ham in NY) and I hear “Are you out of your fucking mind – you ARE NOT making a 10 hour round trip drive by yourself 6 days before your operation!!!!” Damn walls have ears – who knew he was lurking….Now I am upset, so of course I go the wrong way, get all confused again (combined with I have no blood left) and I end up on the opposite side of the hospital yet again. So I cross over, and now – yes – I don’t know where my car is. Forty five minutes I walked, climbed stairs, cried, tried to unlock it to see the flash – I FINALLY find it – about 10 feet from where I should have gone in the first place if I wasn’t so frazzled. It’s now going on 1 pm. I google 5 Guys, having never had one and they are new up here, find one on the way home, stop, order something small (no such thing in that place I find out) die of embarrassment when the manager yells out ORDER NUMBER YES MA’AM YOU ARE FINE NUMBER SIXTY NINE, grab my fries and burger and beeline for the car as fast as someone who can’t walk can. Cry all the way home in-between fries, my daughter doesn’t want to see me, find a giant packet of papers from Social Security waiting for me (wait – isn’t that what I am paying the lawyer for?????), email my friend in NJ explaining the situation and go collapse for a few hours.
I get up, realize I am an idiot with no one to blame but myself and my stubbornness, have a minor pity party, decide to listen to the pre-op hypnosis cd my friend sent me – it’s more meditation and visualization than hypnosis, which I have problems with (I WONDER WHY) and I am soooooo soothed I crawl back into bed and sleep so well.
I did behave today – I made some phone calls, arranged for medicaid transportation so this debacle shan’t occur again, got a nice person and answers from my lawyer (faints), got a nice person and some answers from social services from a real person (faints) and find out someone set up a fund for me for while I am healing, which REALLY made me cry – kindness is something I am getting used to and this, this was just amazing. (She used the paypal link on the blog cover if you are so inspired to help).
So – I am down til I am out. So much for the ocean, my Laurie, my NJ, my beloved Taylor ham, but my animals are happy mommy is home, and I will rest. Because come Monday, this won’t look like this anymore…
I bid you all a good night, and I am accepting prayers also – I am a non-denominational acceptee, so don’t worry about what faith you are – I’ll take it!! I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and I know I will need as many as possible for this one!!
So smart, yet so dumb sometimes…..I have heard that so often in my life…..sigh…
This stoopid drug has GOT to GO. *kicks the Effexor bottle out the door* I can’t think; I can’t function; I can’t do ANYTHING except sleep and maybe go somewhere for a few hours and then come back home and sleep some more. No – I CANNOT live like this!! Thursday I stumbled outside to see why my upstairs neighbor was weed whacking – I didn’t even know they had one!! She said she borrowed it from someone, and was tired of our landlord not doing anything. Well, I didn’t say anything, but when I moved in here, and in every other place I have lived, the tenant takes care of lawn maintenance and snow plowing and crap like that, and my landlord, who is a friend of mine, specifically told me when I moved in here he didn’t want to be bothered with “stupid crap” and “unless it was a dire emergency, deal with it”!! I totally agreed – I am used to that. I think I have asked him once in the over 2 years I have been here to fix on thing, and that was on the oil burner (not my problem). And he was fine with it. The upstairs neighbors are super nice, but I think they were a bit spoiled where they came from in Boston, and we just do things differently around here. So she’s complaining about him, and I am half listening, and then she says something about my little red car, and I say I am still waiting on a clear title, blah blah, it’s been MONTHS, I am getting annoyed, and she says call the local DMV. I explained I already had, and they referred me to Albany, which is a giant black hole of bureaucratic mess and I was sure it was somewhere in the ether by now. She says it won’t hurt to try again, so I go back inside, pull up the new and improved NYS DMV website (oooooo how nice!!!) and it tells me the new clear title was issued June 11. I look at the calendar – it’s Sept. 18th – it should NOT take that long to get from Albany to here, even via a REAL snail carrying the mail!!!!! So I call the local DMV office, they look up the VIN, and say “it was mailed to _______ (my old addresses I moved from 2 years ago). I grit my teeth and explain that in the cover letter of the package I sent certified, return receipt requested, registered, demanded someone’s first born, etc., that I had moved, and to please send the new title to my NEW address, which was in 36 point font, bold, italics, centered on the page (NO ONE could miss that sucker) and she says well, come down, we will see what we can do. I get dressed and ready in record time, fly out the door, stop for gas – the phone rings. “Hi May I please speak to Ame?” “Speaking (get off the phone lady I am in a hurry!!)” “This is so and so from the NYS Mental Health Dept. and I’d like to set up and appointment for you for intake – can you come now?” OMG they told me 6 months!!!!!!!!! No I can’t come now – I have to go deal with DMV – I can’t deal with another state agency at the same time – I will lose my tentative grip on reality. I say (sweetly – I have manners) “I’m sorry, I am on my way to DMV – perhaps another time?” “Okay, how about Wednesday at 4? Do you have your calendar available?” No, lady I am sitting at the gas station about to bolt for DMV – I will write all this down on my gas receipt and not forget!!!! Grrrrr. “I don’t, but I know I am free that day (I think) that will be fine!! By the way, the ER told me it would be 6 months before I got a counselor – that there was a backlog….” She laughs. I find nothing funny about any of this and I need to GO!!!!!! She says” Oh no, it’s not so bad – please come 1/2 hour early so we can do paperwork.” I quickly assure her I will, tell her I will see her then, and take off at warp speed to our local DMV, hoping to hell I can get a friend of mine who works there. No such luck. I stand in line – 5 people behind the counter, no one taking anyone from the line. I start to fume. FINALLY, a woman says “May I help you?”, and I swallow my anger, go up and explain the situation. Well, this, that, it was mailed to the wrong address (no shit lady), you have to refile for a new one (oh no I do NOT!!!!!!) and it will be another $20!! I smile through my clenched teeth and say “I just spoke to someone on the phone who assured me it was a DMV CLERICAL ERROR and I WOULD NOT BE CHARGED ANYTHING!!!!” I am trying not to yell or breathe fire at this point, although I am sure my eyes were flashing all kinds of warning signals and things, because she says “Let me call Albany and see what they say.” I smile again, this time looking at her like if I don’t get my way, you will be turned into a toad in about 30 seconds…. She is on the phone with Albany whispering for about 10 minutes, flipping my paperwork over, reading all the inserts, documents, receipts, etc., and finally hangs up and turns to me and says “They will mail you a new corrected title out and you should have it Monday or Tuesday at your correct address.” I slowly calm my inner rage down to a simmer, thank her for all her help and wish her a great day. I did see my friend at the information desk, and we chatted for a moment, which helped, and I get out to my car to a new phone message. “Hi this is *garbled* at the NYS Mental Health Dept – is there any way you could come in early so we can get you in the system?” Slamming my head against the dashboard, I look at the clock, and decide WTF, I am 3 blocks away, let’s just get this done and over with. I find the building, I sign in, put a big M (for Mental Health) next to my name, get handed a badge and get sent to the 3rd floor. This woman (very condescendingly – I am obviously in need of mental health) asks me who I am and why I am here. I try to explain I spoke to someone named Nicole (at the gas station), I got a phone call from someone named (maybe) Sam (couldn’t understand) the message, and I was here to “get into the system and get paperwork”. She looks at me like I had 4 heads, says “We don’t have a ‘Sam’ here” – I explain again about the garbled phone message and offer to listen to it again – she says never mind, she will get Nicole, please have a seat over there on the Group W bench. (For those of you not familiar with the song “Alice’s Restaurant” by Arlo Guthrie, you will not get that joke). So I re-listen to the message, and get the name, and go up to the window, where another lovely condescending woman say “Yes?” I point to the other woman next to her and rattle off the correct name, she says “Ohhhhhh – okay – please sit back down, we know what to do now”. Well, I am glad you do, cause I certainly don’t!!!!!!! The door opens, a woman named Amy comes out, calls my name, and says she will help me with my intake, etc., and thank you for coming today, it will just make things easier next week, blah blah – at this point I am ready to swallow about 4 Ativan and just go home. She “puts me in the system” – OH JOY – asks me a bunch of questions I have been asked about 800 times already, hands me about 20 sheets of paper, tells me to fill them out before I come back next Wednesday and walks me to the door. I could have found my way by myself, but I guess they didn’t want me to hang myself with my badge or take hostages or something along those lines. I get back in the car, think about stopping to get something to eat, decide I just want to go home, and get in the door, let the animals out and proceed to sleep on and off until noon on Friday, when I jump out of bed and realize I have to be at an art exhibit by 4 pm 1/2 way across the county. Here is my FB post on it, because I just don’t feel like typing it all over again!! When Life gives you the wrong day for something, you don’t bitch about it – you turn it into an adventure!! What a glorious day for a ride across the county almost to the MA border – foothills of the Berkshires. Stopped at a farm stand and bought myself a sunflower – one of those stands that still has the “Trust Boxes” – you take your produce, and put your money into the box. Didn’t think there were any left around!! Then decided to stop in at the world’s Greatest Thrift Store ever – the Purple Barn on Route 23 in Martindale – haven’t been there in years – hasn’t changed in years!! Spent tons of time talking to the owner (you kind of have to – she’s one of those kinds of people who just loves to talk to everyone), and left with a GORGEOUS velour black pullover shirt with a blingy zipper for $5 – a 2 piece skirt and shirt set for $6, some belts, a tank top that will go with everything that I so desperately needed and $1 bottle of silver nail polish!! I did good!!!! Got to the PO at 10 of 5 – ran in, grabbed everything, gossiped a wee bit (well – you have to – it’s the Post Office!!!!!) and came home with HUGE SMILE on my face. It’s not what I set out to do, but it turned into a beautiful, fun filled day, and sometimes those are the best ones of all!! LOVING LIFE!!!!! Yes, I got the day wrong for the art exhibit – it wasn’t Friday, it was today. And by the looks of the time and the weather, I don’t know if I will make it. It will be packed with “cidiots” (NYC people who NEVER drive, rent a car to drive up here for events and don’t think traffic laws are applicable to them). They do 20 in a 55 (“OMG A COW!!!!” OMG ANOTHER COW!!” OMG pumpkins GROWING on green stem things on the ground!!!”), etc., and do 55 thru towns that are posted at 30 – never mind someone might be crossing the street or waiting to turn or something – that doesn’t apply to THEM!!!!! I shall see how I feel in a little while, check the weather, and see if I want to deal with all that bullshit. I think I have had my share for the week!!!! On the bright side, my horrorscope DID tell me to go shopping/buy something for myself, and the gorgeous black and bling Bob Mackie sweater I have had my eye on for a few weeks got dropped to $19.95 on eBay, so I snatched that sucker up faster than a shopper at a Macy’s One Day Sale!! *does the dance of joy* So hopefully I will get my title, my new tires and my head shrunk next week, along with the meds I messed up for Monday (please Dr. Semlear, be in a good mood!!!). Love and Light and enjoy your weekend – my daughter texted me at 10:30 and said they were on their way – they live 12 minutes away – it’s now 2:20. *head desk* And they wonder why I need my head examined!!!!!! O.o
Blessed damn relief from the freekin fiasco that was yesterday’s clusterfuck. I don’t know if it could have gotten any more screwed up if it tried!! I get to the dentist – they do the deep cleaning on the left side, and then the hygienist comes in and says we are going to do the two extractions right now. Okay – my brain is drugged, but not drugged enough to say “OH NO – Dr. Whatever His Face Is said he was doing one more filling, then the deep cleanings, and the extractions were the LAST thing he was going to do!!” Panic sets in – then I realize I a) did not turn off the coffee pot at home, and b) did not take my lunchtime meds, which consist of something to keep me a little calm and my pain meds. So there is NO WAY IN HELL you are ripping two teeth out of my head with no pain meds in me!!!! No. Not even a remote possibility!! So Dr. What’s His Face (I can’t remember his name – it’s Khalifeh or something like that – nice guy) comes in, glares at me (screw you too, sweetie) and says we will do the filling and next time, after the deep cleaning on the other side, we will do the extractions – OKAY? I smile sweetly and say “Fine – I will be ALL prepared for that for the next visit – I will meditate, medicate and do whatever else I need to do to get through that.” I them bat eyelashes, cause that usually works on men. It did. He calmed the F down, did my filling, made sure he reminded me 800 times to get a clearance form from my ortho after my ankle surgery so he could work on me, and off I staggered to the car. Oh my Gods!! I went to the PO – thank you Beneful for sending me enough samples to feed my dogs for a week – got all my stuff, came home, ran to the bathroom, shut off the coffee pot, threw my pills down my throat and off I wen in search of a fax machine. I live in a VERY small town – so small we don’t even get out mail delivered; we have to pick it up at the post office. So I got to the $ store, get AAA batteries for my menopause hair shaver for my face (freekin menopause), then go to the library to fax the 4 sheets of paper I need to fax to somewhere in Nebraska (I need $ for my tires, so I am raiding my IRA’s). She tries 4 times – error message on THEIR end – won’t go through. She says go try Town Hall at the end of your road (I TOLD you this was a small town – everyone knows everyone). I get back in the car – there is NO WAY I should be driving – go the back way to the Town Hall, and the really nice pretty young woman who works there says let’s give it a shot. She throws the papers into the fax machine – nada. She says let’s give it a few minutes – sometimes this happens. So I sit and watch her multitask like I have never seen anyone do in my entire life – it was amazing (especially because I was so loopy) and after a few minutes of beeps and boops and buzzes, she announces it didn’t go thru – it was a problem on THEIR end, and I should try tomorrow. So I go home – NOW I want a damn drink so bad I could taste it – I’m frustrated, pissed, my mouth hurts, I NEED that fax to go through – I WANT A DRINK!!!!!!!!!! I get online, I email my “sober coach” (for lack of a better term), I tell her what has happened the whole day between the author shit, the missed cardiologist appointment, the double dentist appointment, the failed fax and the fact that I would love to go buy a bottle of nice crisp cold white wine and guzzle it out of the bottle – she says NO!!!!!! So I do the next best thing. I put on my jammies and go lay down on my bed, immediately followed by all the animals. I am surrounded by purring cats – do you know how cathartic that is (notice that word starts with CAT)? I immediately calm down and become at ease with things, and slowly drift off into a peaceful slumber, with the vibrations of the purring helping me to just relax and let all the pent up anger and frustration and fear fade away, and I finally fell asleep, not to awaken until 9pm or so, which was fine. A bit late to eat dinner, but I picked at a pre-roasted chicken I had in the fridge, which also fed all the voracious beasts attacking my ankles!!
This morning, I will teach myself how to scan that damn document into my printer and email it off that way, so I don’t have to go wrestle with any more machines, and will enjoy the peacefulness and solitude of the day – and I wish you the same!! ♥ ♥
I thought I had to interview the author – I don’t; I just have to promote her book, which I did. My dentist calls – can you come at 1 pm for this procedure and we will do the other at 2 pm? Sure – why not – get it all over with at the same time. The phone rings again – it’s my cardiologist‘s office – did I forget about my follow up appointment yesterday? Well, DUH – obviously since you are calling me (GRRRRRRRRR). I tell them I am having ankle surgery November 4th – she says OMG that is such short notice (no shit lady – it was short notice for me, too!!). “We have to get you in here a month before the surgery for clearance.” Okay – you do what you need to do – I just drive and go where you tell me (and hit up Trader Joe’s because I am a mile away from it and they take EBT cards). “Is 10 am okay?” Well, actually NO since I can’t get my ass out of bed and ready and out the door to be in Albany by 10 am – so I ask if there is anything later. She says they have a 1 pm app’t – I say I will take that. I can manage that. Hopefully it’s not a day I am supposed to be in Myrtle Beach. All these friggin doctors!! And no one is in the same place, although the cardiologist and the orthopedist are across the highway from each other, but getting from one to the other is a complete nightmare. At least it’s not in Catskill!! So I will spend 2 hours at the damned dentist today getting two procedures done today instead of one, and my author blog is complete and beautiful, with all the info in place, and now I have to go get ready for the dentist (which I loathe with all of my being, even though he is a nice guy). I am worried about driving, because I don’t know how the medicine I take to calm me down is going to interact with the new anti-depressant that makes you more depressed. And suicidal. And thoughts of killing people (“Ame – stop reading the fact sheet they give from the pharmacy!!!” “Well, why do they give it to you if they don’t want you to read it??” Ame – put it down right NOW!!!” Fine – whatever…. Just wish me luck. Tomorrow I can sleep in a little and run some errands that I won’t have a chance to do today. Damn doctors!!!!!!!!
As someone who spent almost 20 years of my life working on a 400 acre biodynamic farm, sending my daughter to the school on the farm, and helping my colleague, Gary Lamb, do research and realize what companies like Monsanto were doing to our foods without knowing the consequences, I began being more and more careful about what I eat and knowing where it came from. “Frankenfood” is one of the scariest things out there, because we DON’T know the long term side effects from what it can do to you or your offspring if you eat it; yet they have have a lock on the farms in this country because of money and politics – of course. GMO‘s have been banned in most European countries for a good reason – there is NO PROOF that these thing are not harmful!! This “commercial” from Chipotle is amazing – I may be eating there more often, if I have to eat out. I urge you to watch and do the same!!
And with Oscar-ready animation from the acclaimed visual effects wizards at MOONBOT Studios set over a score of Fiona Apple covering “Pure Imagination” from the 1971 cult children’s film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, is it any wonder that Chipotle’s “stealth” promo for a free iOS game is already on a fast-track to become one of this year’s most successful marketing campaigns — all without barely mentioning the word “Chipotle.”
Add to that a powerful anti-factory-farming message, and all other ads should just give up:
In a dystopian fantasy world, all food production is controlled by fictional industrial giant Crow Foods. Scarecrows have been displaced from their traditional role of protecting food, and are now servants to the crows and their evil plans to dominate the food system. Dreaming of something better, a lone scarecrow sets out to provide an alternative to the unsustainable processed food from the factory.
Already America’s favorite “Mexican restaurant chain,” Chipotle has shied away from running ads on TV, believing its target audience — Millennials — “are skeptical of brands that perpetuate themselves.”
Since parting ways with its former majority owner McDonald’s, Chipotle has tried even harder to live up to its mission statement of “food with integrity.”
Back in July, for example, the company announced plans to become the first US restaurant chain to strip its menu items of all genetically engineered ingredients.
Chipotle has high hopes that The Scarecrow will officially cement its status as a fast food chain with a brain.
A little PS, if you will:http://eatlocalgrown.com/article/11944-banned-foods.html
YOU REALLY ARE A DOUCHEBAG NOW, “THE SITUATION” OMG!! IS EVERYONE SELLING OUT? YOU DENY DENY DENY THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM – ALL OF A SUDDEN, BIG PHARMA WAVES THE ALMIGHTY $$$$$$ IN YOUR FACE AND NOW YOU ARE A CHANGED MAN. YOU SUCK!!!! AND GIVE A BAD NAME TO PEOPLE WHO REALLY HAVE ADDICTION ISSUES!! MY B/P IS NOW 400/200. And I take meds for it, but I don’t get paid!!!!