Serious doubts about the uncertainty of my future?? That’s the funniest fucking thing I have heard in months!!! Let’s see. I am having major surgery in less than a month. I have no clue IF I am coming home afterwards or going to some “rehab facility” (who will watch my animals and my house, helloooo??) or if I DO come home, who is going to be here to help me? I will run out of money in 7 months. That means I will be homeless. My mother says we won’t let that happen. I trust her as far as I can throw her, which I would like to do a lot lately. I am filing for disability, but if you can’t even spell my fucking name right on the 800 pieces of paper you sent me to fill out, my faith in you getting it done quickly is pretty much shot. My kid? I go out yesterday to go food shopping – they are TOO TIRED to come with me, but could I get them a few things? $140 later – my Food Stamp card is empty, I am $25 in cash broker than when I got there, and when I get home and say something, I get tude. I went to bed, slept like shit as usual, got up and immediately started arguing with said daughter, who can’t even remember her own lies half the fucking time – yes DeDe – I was 21 once, too – I remember what it’s like to be selfish and think the world owes you everything and no one has it worse than you do and you work soooooooo hard – let me take you somewhere and show your lazy spoiled privileged entitled (in YOUR mind) ass what REAL hard work is. I may not make my surgery, because I will probably have a heart attack or a fucking stroke before I even make it up there. The world is full of incompetent assholes and I seem to be surrounded by the best of them these days!! After an epic text war (I am not worth enough for a phone call or gods forbid a fucking visit), I finally said I am done, give me back the keys, and get the fuck out of my life. Do not talk to me, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Or has it changed for inflation or the drop in the market?
I hear the door open, she comes in all quiet and contrite – I am sorry mom, I didn’t mean it I’m stressed I’m this I’m that, yadda yadda on and on for 1/2 and hour. It has taken me until now to realize I have done it again. I fell for it again. She was here, she did nothing but take my food, and leave. No help – oh wait – Boone took out the garbage and they did walk to Family Dollar for me, but more promises were made, which means more lies were told, and I can BET you any amount of money come Tuesday she will be busy, have to work, sick or something else and I will be yet again fucked up the ass sideways without KY and nothing will get done; nor will I get paid back any of the money I am owed for the the little shopping spree that happened. I. AM. A. SUCKER. And an asshole, and every other word you wanna use to describe how little self control I have when it comes to my precious darling. i think I need to grow a paid of titanium ones and just take the damn keys from her and sat LATER. Because I am going to be so screwed in 3 weeks if I don’t, it won’t be funny. And my FB friends are sure in hell aren’t going to come take care of me. I get played like a damn Stradivarius. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Time to change. Time to grow – to move on, to say fuck this – you are on your own – it is MY TURN. Maybe that’s what my horrorscope meant. It’s MY turn.